The Idol-Wannabes Do Andrew Lloyd Webber

I have to start by saying that I am a huge musical theater fan. I am not, however, a huge Andrew Lloyd Webber fan. I'm more partial to Rodgers & Hammerstein and the current Broadway shows, like "Rent," "Wicked," "Chicago," etc. But even though I am not a fan of ALW the composer, I am a fan of ALW the judge. He actually told the contestants that sucked that they sucked, which was totally awesome.

First up was Syesha, who was great. She has a powerful voice and when she stops trying to be a pop princess and actually uses it, she does very well. She sang, "One Rock and Roll Too Many" and wore a pretty red dress and is not going home this week. That is, if there's any justice in this world.

Jason sang "Memory." The only time I've heard this song before is in "School of Rock," when that girl who now has her own show on Nickelodeon sings it terribly (on purpose). Jason Castro sounded exactly like that girl, except that he was actually trying to sound good. Oh Jason. This is not your week. You knew you were going to bomb and ALW knew you were going to bomb and you did bomb. But you won't go home, because people like you and because Brooke was even worse.

I may finally get my wish tonight: Brooke will go home. Barbie sang "You Must Love Me." As if, bitch. This is how it went: she starts, forgets the lyrics, and then starts over. And at the end, she has the audacity to say that's the first time she's ever done that on this show. LIER. You really don't trust the memories of the American people, do you Brooke? Between her screw up at the beginning and the terribleness in the middle, plus the fact that she looked resigned and defeated when the judges were talking about her performance (she didn't even try to interrupt and explain), she really should go home tonight. Bye bye Brookie...

David frikin Archuletta. Sang "Think of Me." Whoop di frikin do. I know I said last week that he looks like the spawn of Elmo and Grover, and I stand by that. But this week he also reminded me of Simba (you know, the cub from The Lion King) and that made me think that if the contestants had been allowed to do all of Broadway, he would have done a great version of, "I Just Can't Wait To Be King." Although Simon would have called him smug and sent him crying to Daddy, so maybe never mind. Getting to his actual performance, Simon said it best when he said that it was (I'm paraphrasing here), pleasant, forgettable, but will get him through to next week. That basically sums up David Archuletta. Also, Randy gives his annoying "If you can sing, you can sing anything" speech, which IS NOT TRUE. Some people have amazing voices that are only suited to certain types of music. Elliott Smith, for example. Fantastic voice, but he never could have done Broadway (if you don't know who Elliott Smith is, look him up. Seriously amazing musician.) Plus, RANDY, it so does not apply to wittle Archie, who turns everything into a sugary pop ballad. He couldn't do Broadway or reggae or hard rock or any thing besides his signature pop song. And he has a nice voice, no question, but there's no way you can say that he can sing anything. We have quite a few liers this evening, RANDY AND BROOKE.

Oh, so this is why Carly stuck around. She gave the best performance of the evening, with "Jesus Christ Superstar." She was going to sing another song, but ALW was like, you have to sing JCS. And so she did. Wearing a dress. With sleeves. Bringing down the house. Yeah, Carly! Oh and after the judges did their bit, Carly runs over to some guy and brings back a shirt that say "Simon Love Me (This Week)" Haha, what a lovable dork.

David Cook closed the show with "Music of the Night." Once again, I agree with Simon who said it was technically good, but he prefers edgy Cook. He did a great job, but he should have picked a better song. If the contestants had had their choice of Broadway, he would have rocked "One Song Glory" from Rent. Actually, the first time I heard him sing, I thought he would make a great Roger (the tortured, recovering junkie slash wannabe rock star from Rent). Does anybody else see that? Anyways, Cook sounded good, and he'll be safe tonight.

Botton three: Brooke, Jason, and, even though she rocked, Syesha. The Davids will be safe as always and Carly was so great there's no way she'll be in the bottom three. She better not be, anyways. Syesha will be in the B3 because she just doesn't have the fan base the rest of them have. She will be safe though, as will Jason, because adolescent girls will continue to vote for him no matter how much he sucks (and I do love Jason, but he completely deserves his spot in the B3 tonight). And Brooke will be gone and all will be right with the world.
P.S. I just read that next week is Neil Diamond week. Gag me.

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