Insert Lame "Diamond in the Rough" Joke Here

Was Paula drunk? Or is she just that stupid? Eh, probably both. Her "Oh whoops I thought you already sang twice" mistake and the judges and Ryan's ensuing comments trying to get the show back on track were easily the most entertaining part of a pretty bad night (it was Neil Diamond night, what were you expecting?) The contestants had to sing two songs each, which is like having 10 contestants, except that when they had 10 contestants, the show was an hour and a half. And then they confused the judges (and by judges I mean Paula) by not having the contestants sing their songs back-to-back, and by only having feedback after the second song, which Ryan later changed to having short feedback after everyone sang once and then extended feedback later. It sounds kind of complicated, but it really wasn't. Paula was just oblivious, as usual. So anyways, Ryan was talking like lightning to get the show in at one hour, which was kind of annoying, but I guess the less time we spend listening to that inane voice, the better. Neil Diamond loved everyone (shocker), and the girls in the audience closest to the stage were not waving their arms to any particular beat. Ah, American Idol...

On to the actual contestants, Jason opened the show with a song about blue jeans, which was actually pretty good. Better than his second song, which was about, oh forget it, I have no idea. From now on, if the contestant don't make enough of an impression to imprint the song title into my memory, they're just not going to get their song listed. So Jason was better than last week (which was an absolute mess), but he seems to have lost that Jason-Castro-coffee-house-vibe that we all love so much. I honestly didn't care that he sounded like Jack Johnson every single week. I like Jack Johnson. It's way better than sounding like, say, Neil Diamond.
David Cook was next, with a good, but not amazing rendition of some song that started off soft and built to loud and screamy by the end. Classic Cook. Here's the thing about David Cook, though. Except for his "We All Innocent" blunder, he's been consistently great from day one. So even when I don't remember the names of his songs, that's ok, because I know he did a good job. His second song especially was pretty rockin'. Yay Cookie!
Oh God, Brooke. So when I heard that "I'm a Believer " was a Neil Diamond song, I was pleasantly surprised (not because I thought it was by Smash Moth and written for Shrek- I'm not that stupid. I knew it was a Monkees song, I just didn't know that Neil Diamond wrote it) because I was sure that someone was going to pick it and hey, let's face it, it's a fun song. I was hoping that one of the guys would take it, preferably Cook. But no, evil Brooke had to kill what could have been my favorite song of the night. You know that part in "Chicago" where Taye Diggs is like, "Velma Kelly, in an act of desperation..."? That's what Brooke was like last night. She tried so hard to be likable that she came off even more fake than ever. She played two instruments. She smiled incessantly. She tried to get Simon to take back his "horrible" comment. She sang a crowd pleaser (even though it sucked), and then later sang a sensitive ballad type song, which the judges actually liked for some reason. I thought I was going to puke. And she actually wrote down the lyrics to her piano ballad on her palm, just in case, I don't know, she forgot the lyrics for the THIRD TIME (which she didn't. But still.) Ag, that girl just gets on my nerves. STOP KILLING SONGS, BROOKE!
Archuletta. As much as I want to slap that kid across the face and knock some reality into him, I have to admit that wittle Archie can sing. Even if it's annoying songs like "Sweet Caroline," which really only belongs at Red Sox games, or "America," which is just as bad as Kristy Lee Cook singing "God Bless the USA." And ok, "They're coming to America..." has been stuck in my head since last night, so ok dude, props for choosing a catchy song. (Or props to your scary stage dad, whoever chose it.) Also, out of the bunch, his voice is the must suited for Neil Diamond songs, so he had a good night last night, as much as it pains me to say it.
And last, and tonight going to be least, was Syesha. She sang a nice but boring ballad in the first round, and then an upbeat, Broadway-like song in the second round. She was good, but it doesn't matter, because she's going home tonight. Unless Jason's singing first/being unremarkable gets to his voters or people finally decide to put Brooke out of her misery (PLEASE! But it's not going to happen...) Syesha just doesn't have the fans to keep her in this thing. Bottom two I hope is Syesha and Brooke, but will probably be Syesha and Jason just because I hate Brooke so much. This is like in How I Met Your Mother when Barney slaps Ted and says, "That wasn't me, that was the universe." The universe is slapping me here.

Oh and check this site out:
Even though they're currently encouraging people to vote for Brooke, I find humor in people pissing off big-wig producers.


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