Oh Jason. Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason.

Why? Why are you making me not like you? Come on, Jason.

So last night was Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Week. It should have been David Cook Being The Rock Star He Is Week. Instead, it was David Archuletta Comeback Week. And Syesha Crying Week. And Jason's Last Week. Oh and Carly was there tonight. Hi Carly!

David Cook:
Sang "Hungry Like the Wolf" and "Baba O'Reiley." So David Cook, here's a question: WHY DIDN'T YOU PICK GOOD SONGS? Ok, so "Hungry Like the Wolf" wasn't that bad. And I love Baba O'Riley, just not the way David arranged it. Just as it was about to get all intense and awesome, it was over. But seriously? Dude, this should have been your week! You're the rock star of the group, the one who could have (and should have) gone above and beyond with two of the FIVE HUNDRED songs you had to choose from. By now you should have the sense to pick the songs that work well shortened (i.e. not "Baba O'Riley"). You'll be fine, but David? Get it together.

Syesha Mercado:
Sang "Proud Mary" and "A Change is Gonna Come." She sounded fine on the first one (I thought there was too much dancing and not enough singing), and awesome on the second one. But Randy bashed her second song and made her cry and everyone kept ganging up on Randy who's like, What, so Simon can can bash them but I can't? That's how it is? Yes Dawg, that's exactly how it is. He is such a useless judge. Paula's there for entertainment value, Simon's there to tell the (often harsh) truth, but Randy? A waste of time. And space. Hey Ryan, want to keep the show from running over? Kick off Randy. Oh and stop Syesha from crying. It's like Brooke 2.0 and we really don't want to go there. But Syesha has just gotten so much better that I can't help but like her, so long as this crying thing doesn't become a recurring theme.
One note, though: Syesha? Comparing your struggle on "American Idol" to the Civil Rights Movement? Really?

Jason Castro:
Is going home tonight. Oh and he sang "I Shot the Sheriff" and "Mr. Tambourine Man." Note to all "Idol" contestants: Unless you can do a really good version of a Bob Marley song, don't bother. It's just a bad idea. Which I'm sure that Jason can attest to now. It was awful. Awful. "Mr. Tambourine Man," on the other hand, was actually pretty good. I liked it. Except that he forgot the lyrics. Aw, you guys miss Brooke so much that you have to pick up her bad habits? Gah! Jason, man, even I know those lyrics. How do you forget "In the jingle-jangle morning"? And he only made it worse by pointing out his mistake. Because I recognized that he forgot the lyrics, but my dad thought that he was just doing some weird Jason thing because who forgets classic lyrics like that? Oh, sweetie... It's so obvious that the judges want you gone, the producers want you gone, and, frankly, it seems like you wants you gone. Well, your wish is America's command, Jason. Because I will be very surprised if you're back with us next week.

David Archuletta:
Has no friends. Just kidding. Well, maybe. Because who else would sing "Stand By Me" to themself? And their dog. I forgot about the dog. Lil' David, as Ryan called him (though he pronounced it like "lull") also sang "Love Me Tender." Because we were all just dying to hear another ballad. Just shoot me. Please. Also, David was looking even more like a Sesame Street character than ever last night, and it was pissing me off. (Speaking of Sesame Street, what is up with that show? The Cookie Monster turning into The Veggie Monster? That's like desecrating the Sesame Street creed. What's next, Oscar the Grouch moving into a recycling bin?) And I was really excited for about half a second when he announced that he was singing Elvis, but of course David picked the one Elvis song that didn't require changing up his act of slow, sway-back-and-forth, dark and moody lighting, and frankly, straight up boring, songs. Ok, so the songs aren't boring. But the performances were. Which is why I didn't understand why the judges went all ape-shit over his "genius" and his "instrument." Yes, the kid has an amazing voice. Doesn't change the fact that his performances are great opportunities to catch up on sleep. Need a nap? No fear, David Archuletta's singing next. But the judges remain oblivious. Randy used the evaluation to prove once again how useless he is, and Simon used the opportunity to take another stab at Jason. Not cool, man. Even Lull David said so, and he never speaks up. Like ever.

Oh and the show did run over. I know this because when I switched over to the CW, "Reaper" had already started. No making fun, I was only watching because NBC has stopped running the "SNL Best Of" specials. WHY NBC? YOU HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST SNL? Sorry, I just got really attached to those specials. But "Reaper" wasn't half bad. It's gotten a lot better since the fall, when I spent the entire show wanting to strangle Sock. I still want to strangle Sock sometimes, but at less frequent intervals.


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