Bones: Insert Insult Here

So last week the forces of the universe (or whatever) were like, "Hey, Maddy's been doing pretty well lately. She's starting to feel a little better. Wait, that's not right. Hm, ok, HAVE A VIRUS. You know, sore throat, runny nose, violent cough, the whole nine yards. Ah, there we go. Back to normal..."

Which is why I haven't posted lately. I realize I've got (if I'm figuring this correctly) two episodes of The Office, two American Idols (Hollywood week!), two Scrubs, Chuck in 3D, House, How I Met Your Mother, 30 Rock, and a couple of others to cover, but I'm going to start playing catch-up by ranting about last week's Bones.


Basically, this second attempt at a Gravedigger episode (so-called because of the serial killer the hour centered around) highlighted everything that is currently wrong with this show. The season two episode "Aliens in a Spaceship" where the Gravedigger made her first appearance is probably the highlight of the show to date. It featured a compelling mystery (even though it was left open-ended), all of the regulars in essential and interesting roles, and the forward movement of a character arc (in this case the Angela-Hodgins romance which has since fallen apart Don't Even get me started on that).

This episode featured, in no particular order, these following heresies:

-A GHOST. I'm sorry, if they really wanted Booth to have someone to talk to while he was "buried," they should have put someone on that ship with him (and I hate to bring up Zach again (no I don't), but if he were still a member of the team he would have been the perfect person to get buried with Booth). Having it be a "ghost" from Booth's past (and someone whose death he felt responsible for at that) seems like such a last-ditch attempt to get us more invested in Booth's personal life. (And then they tried to draw us in more by revealing Booth's son Parker was named after our dear ghostie...) First last episode's hockey ghost telling him, "You are not your father, you are not your father, you are not you father..." and now this. Note to showrunners everywhere: ghosts are never a good idea. Not only are they ineffective, they reek of desperation and a lack of imagination.

-An anti-climatic resolution. We've been waiting for the team to catch the Gravedigger for two seasons now. And the way they figure out the identity of this terrible villain mastermind is by noticing that she has broken ribs? While she is right there in front of them in the lab? Are you kidding me?? That's so boring. Where were all of the chase scenes and pyrotechnics that made the previous "big" episodes so engaging and suspenseful? What, did they run through the budget renting out an ice rink and recruiting a pro hockey player last episode so Boreanez could get his kicks?

-The story-line was all over the place. I bitch at procedurals, but honestly, in any crime show, some of the stuff has to be procedural. The story has to arc. There have to be acts definitive enough to be recognizable even if there weren't commercials there to signify ACT BREAK. I honestly don't remember any of the clues or steps that lead to the conclusion that the Gravedigger must have broken ribs. The episode was jumping back and forth without any particular rhyme or reason. Not only that, but the emotional stakes were practically non-existant. I just didn't care.

-I hate Brennan hitting that lady over, even if she was the Gravedigger. Despite what Jack Bauer might tell you, torture is never effective (just ask Micheal Weston) and vengeful violence after the fact is not any better. To be completely honest, the only character I still give a crap about is Hodgins (and ok, I like Sweets too, but only because I am forever loyal to Sam Weir). And that's not thanks to the writing. That's all T.J. Thyne. So my question is, can we get him his own show and leave Bones to complete its creative death march?

7 comments:

Dre said...

A pithy condemnation - girl, you can write! I keep telling you, Bones is played, let it go.

Insults said...

I really like this.

Mads said...

Thanks!
And your blog is really great, Insults. It won't let me comment but I especially loved the Shakespeare and Groucho Marx put-downs.

Liv said...

Gawd Bones is so bad this year. This makes me feel better :)

Insults said...

Cheers! Thanks for popping by!
You should be able to comment now, I think?
All the best.

Caps Lock said...

That commenting was the shitttt!

Caps Lock said...

I expect better from youuuuuu! more updates por favor

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